I get back up

In this last few moments things have changed. I feel like I'm going to fail. Like I am going to work and work and work and in the end I will come up short. It happens I guess, just to me this time. So I've decided. I'm going to move my life forward and get back those dreams that I once decided to put off. I can't say it will be worth it. That in the end I will be glad that I have them back. But I can say that no matter what happens I'll be glad that I gave them up for that time. That I was open to other possibilities. Because if I hadn't done that, I don't know who I would be. I learned the most important thing to me and I learned that I was willing to give everything up to have it.
And yes I am temporarally with out that one thing. But this feeling, of it being gone, of having to worry if it will ever be back, will in the end make having it so much better.
So for now. I must step forward. I will search again and I will find, I have no doubt about that. And to start I must first get back up.

Breathe By Alexi Murdoch

I was listening to the radio this morning and after having a huge fuck up this weekend it really helped me...


In the quiet of the shadow
In the corner of a room
Darkness moves upon you
Like a cloud across the moon
You're a-wearing all the silence
Of a constant that will turn
Like the windmill left deserted
Or the sun forever burn
So don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe
And all the suffering that you've witnessed
And the hand prints on the wall
They remind you how it's endless
How endlessly you fall
And the answer that you're seeking
For the question that you found
Drives you further to confusion
As you lose your sense of ground
So don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
Your whole life is here
No eleventh hour reprieve
So don't forget to breathe
Keep your head above water
But don't forget to breathe
Breathe....
Don't forget to breathe
Don't forget to breathe
You know you are here
But you find you want to leave
So don't forget to... breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe...
Just breathe...
Just breathe...